Harem Tales
by SlipStitch
Summary: Drabbles and Snippets from Kamerreon's Group. Slash. Gen. Everything in between. Feel free to suggest pairings and prompts, I'll be happy to write them. Previously titled 'Seeing Pink Elephants.'


**Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimers apply. I do not own Harry Potter or any other characters in these ramblings. They are the sole property of JK Rowling, Bloomsbury and Scholastic and any other affiliates.**

**Drabbles an Snippets from Kay's Harem (thus Harem Tales!) Enjoy. This was previously called Seeing Pink Elephants but I'm lazy and have updating on a set schedule because school work makes me forget about fun things in life. These are all the ones I've written so far.  
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**WARNINGS: SLASH. FEMMESLASH. AGE DISPARITY. VIOLENCE. TIME TRAVEL. Just be ready for the worst (and possible bad grammar).**

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**Bethany wanted Ron/Harry/Hermione**** Betrayal**

Hermione sat next to him and Ron sat on his other side. The battlefield was strewn with bodies of friends and enemies but he couldn't find the heart to feel sorry for them. They had all betrayed them; taken then for granted and actually expected them to save them in the end. They watched on from the hill as the different colored lights felled people they knew and people that they had never met.

Hermione's head leaned against his and kissed his cheek, patting his arm. Ron yawned and got off the ground, helping him up and draping an arm across his shoulders.

"Didn't you say your parents were in Australia now, 'Mione?" Ron asked as they turned around and never looked back at a world that no longer belonged to them.

**Kimberly wanted Severus/Harry**** Sweet Love**

"I'm in love, sweet love. Hear me calling out your name. I feel no shame."

Severus watched Harry's hips move back and forth as he mouthed the words to one of his favorite songs. He couldn't help the stupidly goofy smile as he turned the smaller man around and wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned down for a kiss. They both danced around to the music letting the words speak what was in their minds.

Harry looked up at him and jumped slightly to kiss him on the lips. "I'm in love, sweet love," he whispered.

**Kamerreon wanted Harry/Albus**** Time Travel**

When Harry first opened his eyes it was to see sparkling, familiar sparkling, and he had gasped and practically crawled backwards off the infirmary bed.

"Are you alright?" he asked and Harry had to gulp back his screams as he stared into the sparkling eyes of his once dead professor; his once dead, OLD professor, that now looked like he had taken a couple of dips in the Fountain of Youth. "I'm Albus Brian Wul—nevermind, I'm Albus Dumbledore."

Harry's mouth dropped and he stared up. "Harry Potter," he squeaked and tried to hide his blush at the sight of those mile long legs only wearing a sleeping shirt.

This would definitely be the last time he would ever work with Luna in her time travel projects.

**Tyson3ever wanted Sirius/Harry**** Sneaking around**

Harry hid behind the dirty couch and hoped that his footsteps wouldn't be shown on the dusty floor. His breath was coming out erratically but he was going to do this today whether it killed him or not. With one last look around the corner he rushed forward and hid in the shadows.

"I grew up here, Harry. I know this house like the back of my hand," Harry's body tensed and his head swiveled around to stare at the grinning man, completely nude.

"So much for sneaking around," Harry muttered under his breath. He looked into Sirius' eyes and smiled as the man hugged him and pushed him against the wall for a kiss. "Alright. Next time, if I make it all the way into our room without you noticing, I get to top."

Sirius snorted and grabbed Harry around the waist and flung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Like I said: I know this house like the back of my hand," he smacked Harry's bottom earning a squeal from Harry. He stared as the pale globe turned pink under his fingers and stared at the freckled in the middle of his hand. _'When did that get there?_' he wondered.

**Kole wanted Pansy/Hermione**** Lip Gloss**

Ron wouldn't consider himself a voyeur and if anyone asked him he would answer that it was a normal reaction from a hormonal teenager. He adjusted the omnioculars in his hands and leaned a little closer to the windowsill. He was alone in the dorm room since everyone seemed to be studying for their NETWS… everyone but Hermione Granger and Pansy Parkinson, that is. His eyes drifted back to the girls on his omnioculars that were talking by the Black Lake.

"I'm just making sure that she doesn't do anything weird to Hermione, is all," he muttered to himself for the third time since he started spying, err—looking out for her. "Oh, they're just putting make-up on each other," he was just about to put the device down when Pansy moved forward, dropping the tube of lipstick on the grass. "Bloody hell!" Ron yelled and leaned a bit further out the window to get a good look at Pansy Parkinson full on snogging his best friend.

Pansy grinned and smacked her lips, cleaning away the corners of her mouth to show her perfectly glossed lips.

**Kay would like Harry/Lily**** Emotional Fulfillment**

Lily floated forward into the nursery and smiled down at the green-eyed baby. She laughed as the chubby little fingers reached out for her, his legs kicking in the air.

"Time for food, Teddy-bear," the call startled her and she whipped her head around to stare into very familiar green eyes and messy black hair. "Mum?" he whispered, nearly dropping the bottle in his hand. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you have passed on?"

Lily smiled and floated to be in front of him. "I wanted to say 'goodbye' and to apologize for the fact that you never got to know the love of a mother."

Harry's eyes were tearing up and he stepped forward hugging her. "I've always known that you loved me, Mum. You don't have to apologize for something out of your control. I love you. Thanks for bringing me to this world."

Lily smiled and leaned away, wiping away Harry's tears with a cold hand. She disappeared in several globes of lights with one last wave to her baby.

**Kay wanted Draco/Harry "Prove it"**

It seemed that all of the school had heard about the supposed argument between the Prince of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy, and the squib brother of the Prince of Gryffindor, Harry J. Potter. Arthur Potter usually had visits from his family, and more often than not his squib twin brother would come to these visits. For some reason that no one in Hogwarts could really name, the Malfoy heir and the younger Potter hated each other and would do everything in their power to have some kind of tiff every time there was a visit.

"What is going on this time?" Arthur asked, putting some stray dark curls behind his ears as he made his way to the wide circle in the courtyard.

Ron, being taller than most people, had a great view of the two people in the middle. "Your brother and Malfoy are having another argument," he paused and moved to the side so that Arthur could stand beside him. "Are you sure that they fancy each other?" Ron muttered under his breath so that no one could hear him.

"They've been seeing each other for six months now," Arthur shrugged and looked over to the shouting couple.

"Prove it, Potter!" Malfoy yelled his face pink from anger.

"What is Harry supposed to prove?" Arthur asked, already getting his wand out and taking a step forward.

"Malfoy accused him of being weak because he's got no magic," Ron said following him just as Malfoy got ready to cast a spell. "Harry said that he could protect himself a million times better than anyone with a wand."

Arthur rushed forward in order to stop his brother and looked back at Ron. "This is bad!"

"Malfoy is going to kill him," Ron agreed but had to dodge to the side when Malfoy kept blasting spells into the air.

"I'm actually more worried about Malfoy," Arthur said just as Harry got up to the blonde and punched him right on his perfect, aristocratic nose. Malfoy yelled and Harry grabbed his arm just as the blonde clutched at his face and tossed him over his shoulder unto the grass.

"Cede your wand or I'll break your arm," Harry growled with his knee in the middle of the blonde's back holding down one arm in a painful angle. Draco grunted something under his breath but didn't drop his wand. Harry's green eyes slitted and he hissed something while pushing down on the wand, getting up quickly. "You're an idiot," he said and turned away from the gathered crowd. "Don't think I'm weak just because I don't have magic. You're all sitting targets if all you have to rely on your wands to keep you safe."

Malfoy watched him walk away, eyes wide and fearful, clutching at his arm in pain and blood dripping down his face into the pristine collar of his robes.

**Tracy wants Harry/Neville "Just—teach me, all right?"**

(Taking a page out of Kay's book… my apologies)

'_I could ask Ron, right? Would he laugh, though? There's no way that I'm going to Dean and Seamus for this. Seamus is still being a prick about the Voldemort being alive thing and Dean is his best friend and I'm not as close to him as to Ron. I obviously can't ask Hermione because she's a girl and girls are made differently than guys. The Twins might be—'_

"Harry, are you alright, mate?"

Harry quickly covered his lap with his pillow and looked up into Neville's curious blue eyes. His thoughts crashed around him as all other suggestions for people to help him flew out the window and he stared into the face of the perfect candidate.

'_Neville wouldn't tell anyone. I'm teaching him defense spells and he could teach me how to do this, right? It's be like we're helping each other out.'_

"Harry?" Neville cocked his head to the side in confusion, slight worry creeping into the frown marring his forehead. "Aren't you going to Hogsmeade today? Everyone is already downstairs to make the trip there."

Harry opened his mouth and his voice cracked painfully as his eyes never left Neville's, possibly creeping out his year-mate. "I need your help."

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" Neville was already crawling into the bed, the bed curtains flapping closed behind him. "Are you sick? Do you need me to get you some potions or would you rather I get Madam Pomfrey?"

Harry bit his lower lip and slowly moved the pillow to the side. Neville's eyes immediately caught on to the movement and his eyes widened at the sight of the bulge on the front of the black boxers.

"I don't know how to get rid of it!" Harry nearly screeched and Neville's head shot up to stare at him. "Just—teach me, all right? Please?"

Neville gulped but nodded slowly his hand already reaching for the offending black cloth.

**Shan would like Severus Snape/Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy and 'kitties don't do that'**

Harry was on the edge of the bed; Draco curled around him like some sort of demented octopus. He was positive that Severus would be curled around Draco, too, if the man wasn't above cuddling and if the man hadn't left an hour ago for his first class of the day.

He jumped when the door to the bedroom slammed open. Harry shot up in bed and Draco whined in complaint and took a possessive hold on his upper thigh. Severus was seething as he stomped into the room, taking off layers of clothes as he did so.

"Sev?" Harry called carefully making sure to not rouse the man's ire any more than it already was. "What happened?" He knew better than to ask if something was wrong; it was kind of obvious that it was anyway.

"A Ravenclaw's cat familiar turned blue and died in front of Dumbledore and classes have been canceled because the Ravenclaw is suing Dumbledore for the death of the cat after Dumbledore fed it something or another."

"Kitties don't do that!" Draco slurred and rolled over Harry's leg to nuzzle at the man's crotch fondly. "Kitties can't turn blue," he continue to murmur. The blonde head moved to the side and Draco promptly fell back asleep.

"Right," Harry said as he brushed Draco's hair aside. "That means you have the entire day off, then. We can do that thing that you wanted to do last night but Draco fell asleep through your explanation, remember?" Harry murmured in his best sexy voice. It obviously didn't work since Severus was still pacing the bedroom in agitation. "Sev, I'm offering you sex," Harry pouted. "Experimental sex!"

"Why did the cat turn blue?" Severus asked no one in particular and Harry huffed in annoyance. "I'll take you up on that offer, Potter," he growled and grabbed the shorter hair at the back of Harry's head and slammed their lips together. "I'll go get the equipment, then."

"I think he killed a cat for sex," Draco commented when the older man walked away. "I'm going to get a camera," Draco said and got off the bed, no sign of sleep in his eyes.

Harry had the sudden feeling that he had been played by his lovers. "Fuck."

**Thea_Zara would like Molly, Dobby "This is MY kitchen"**

"Should we really be doing this?" Ron asked as he moved aside for Ginny to sit next to him. Harry was sitting on his other side and Hermione on Harry's other side. They were all staring into the kitchen from outside the Burrow.

"Hey, Granger, pass the crisps," one of the twins yelled as he made grabbing motions for the bag.

"This is ridiculous," Hermione sighed and passed the bag over. "Harry, I'm blaming you for this."

"THIS IS MY KITCHEN," came the shriek from inside, the voice very obviously belonging to Molly Weasley.

There were several pans and pots thrown about and several cracks of displaced air as the fight continued on inside the house.

"I didn't even know house elves could move that fast," Charlie commented from behind Harry. "That's really impressive."

**Kay would like Harry Potter/Scorpius Malfoy and "the perfect submissive".**

Scorpius looked down at Harry; his green eyes peering up at him with unbridled devotion. He marbled at how lucky he had gotten when he found the father of his best friend at a vampire bar in the middle of Knocturn Alley. He had heard rumors, which proved to actually be true in the end, that ever since the Battle of Hogwarts that the Potter patriarch had stopped aging. It had caused his split from his wife and all new kinds of fear for the wizarding public. He was nearly fifty years old but looked no older than seventeen.

Scorpius crossed his legs, his slacks whispering in the quiet room. He brought his dress shoes up to Harry's cheek and left it there, letting the man lean against it. "You're perfect," he murmured and the green eyes brightened in delight at the words. "Who would have thought I'd find the perfect submissive in you?"

He remembered a year ago seeing the man in the middle of a group of vampires. His pale neck was exposed and one of the vampires was licking it while another one held his hands in a strong grip at his lap. The vampires had raised their brows at him, scenting the air and probably smelling his Veela blood.

"Hey," he had said, the vampires quickly unlatching from Harry. "Come with me," he said, staring straight into the dazed green eyes. He came without any more prompting and followed up into the inn. The vampires had separated around them, looking away, and he had smirked at just how much power wearing a stolen auror robe could have in Knocturn Alley.

"I'm Scorpius," he murmured, one hand already curling around the messy hair and bringing the head back. "You are mine now. Understand?"

Harry didn't say anything but leaned into the arm as the fingers curled tighter around the small hairs.

"Speak."

"Yes."

"Yes, you're perfect, Harry," Scorpius said, coming out of his memories.

**Tracy would like: Harry Potter/Percy Weasley Stolen journal**

They didn't agree with everything, they didn't hold hands in the middle of a crowd, but they both knew that they were madly in love with each other.

It had all started with a stolen journal, Percy's stolen journal to be exact. There was nothing incriminating in the journal and it was made of cheap material, but the point of the matter was that it belonged to him and he had written things in it that only he had ever seen. The redhead had looked in every single place that he thought it might be and even in places he didn't expect for it to be at but he couldn't find the journal anywhere.

"Can I help you?" Percy startled at the deep voice and turned around to the one that had spoken.

"Potter. Harry," he said quickly and put his hands back on the desk again. "I'm looking for a book that I've misplaced. I'm retracing my steps to see if I've left it anywhere."

Harry frowned and moved further into his office, the door closing behind him. "What does the book look like? Maybe I can help you look for it."

"It's brown leather," Percy said as he tried to remember everything about the book. "It says 'Journal' on it in silver lettering."

Harry frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking off his glasses in the process. "This journal wouldn't happen to have quidditch strategies in it would it?"

Percy's face turned red nearly making all of his freckles disappear. "Yes, it does."

"Haines MacQueen was arrested earlier today and he had a book with quidditch strategies written in it," Harry said and Percy frowned and stood up straight.

"Isn't Haines MacQueen the one in charge of expenditures in the Misuse of Muggle Arte—"

"Yeah," Harry interrupted with a nod. "He's been embezzling the Department's funds for the last ten years. Do you want to go down to Evidence and get it back?"

-...-

Harry rolled over and sighed in contentment when his arms and legs curled around a warm body. "Perce, today's your day off, yeah?" he asked into the shoulder.

"Hmm?" was his answer and Percy rolled over to look at Harry in the eyes. "I have the weekend off. Why?"

Harry's body covered Percy's as he reached for the nightstand on Percy's side of the bed. He rummaged around and came back with a leather bound journal in his hands.

"What does my journal have to do with my day off?" Percy asked sitting up in bed and stretching. He took it from Harry when it was offered to him. He opened it to the page he had been writing in last night for what he believed would be a great strategy for the Kenmare Kestrels to finally be able to go to the Quidditch World Cup.

"Happy anniversary," Harry murmured and Percy's eyes widened as two tickets fell out of the journal and on to his lap.

"World Cup tickets?" Percy squeaked as he stared at the gold and blue tickets in his hands.

"Want to pop over to France for a romantic match against the Quiberon Quafflepunchers and the Harpies?" he asked with a small laugh. "Who would have ever guessed you'd be such a quidditch buff?" Harry said and kissed Percy's freckled shoulder. "The portkey leaves at ten."

Percy scrambled out of bed, making sure to put the journal and the tickets back on the nightstand, and followed Harry into the shower for some well deserved celebration for three years of constant arguments, confused stares, and many, many, many nights of apology sex.

**Kris would like Harry/Charlie and "You told them?"**

"You told them?" Harry asked with a raised brow as he licked the ice cream off of his spoon. Charlie was sitting next to him looking like he'd just had to walk through a desert with an oasis in front of him that always got farther and farther away from the more he craved it.

"What is it with you and weird metaphors? And I do not look like I just walked through a desert!" Charlie complained glaring at his boyfriend of two years.

Harry took another spoonful of his vanilla ice cream. "This reading each other's mind thing is really inconvenient at times. What if you asked me something I had to lie about?" Like how it was distracting when Charlie wore leather and he had nothing but his hand to deal with the problem afterwards because the older man had to work.

Charlie raised a brow. "Leather fetish?"

"I do not have a leather fetish!" Harry screeched his face turning pink. "We weren't talking about that. What did they say when you told them?"

"They were fine with it as long as we don't read their minds," Charlie grumbled.

"It only works between us, though," Harry commented and idly wondered if the mind reading powers would work during sex.

"Is that all you think about?" Charlie asked and rubbed at his face.

"You'll find out soon enough, won't you?" Harry murmured and offered his bowl of ice cream. "I don't know whether to be a bit worried that the dragon—"

"Ella."

"Yes, Ella the Dragon. I'm just a bit worried that she gave this gift to you for taking care of her all the time," Harry said and licked his spoon again. "It's even more worrying that you've been telepathically communicating with a dragon for the last ten years and not told anyone."

"Well now everyone knows," Charlie grumbled and snatched the ice cream away.

**Nadine would like Harry/Weasley boys and marriage contract**

"Well, shit," Hermione wheezed as she stared intently at the parchment in front of her.

Harry raised a brow at the curse but then sighed and slammed his head on the table as he figured that if Hermione couldn't solve his problem then he was probably fucked.

"Which one are you going to choose?" Hermione asked and looked over the parchment again to make sure she hadn't missed anything. "Oh. You can't choose. You have to, uh, marry all of them."

"Yes, thank you, Hermione. I've already figured that out and that's why I'm freaking out!" Harry said from the corner of the table, his head still resting against it. "Is this normal in the wizarding world?"

"Homosexual relationships have always been accepted—"

"No, not that," Harry interrupted and looked up at her. "The whole polygamy thing."

"Yeah, that's a bit weird, isn't it?" Hermione asked, her mouth twisting slightly. "Maybe it's because we were raised by muggles that we're a bit shocked at this. From what I've read it's always been normal to have more than one spouse the more power you have."

Harry sighed and read over the parchment. "They got this letter as well."

"It's like a Weasley orgy," Hermione commented.

"You should really stop talking to Patil twins and Lavender Brown," Harry commented with a shake of his head. "They're tainting your brain."

"Well, at least they're attractive and when you get mad with one of them, like Ron, you can always go to another one," Hermione suggested brightly. "You'll need a big bed. Do you want to go shopping now?"

"You're not allowed to talk to me unless you stop fraternizing with those evil women, Hermione," Harry whined and the other girl laughed just as the floo activated and the wards detected several apparations. "Oh boy. Why exactly did my family think a marriage contract would be for the best? Couldn't they just, I don't know, become friends?"

"Wizards are weird," Hermione said and waved brightly at Ginny as she steadied a pale looking Ron. "We have to get used to it now that we're part of the community. Be happy, Harry, you're getting married!"

**Bounty would like Harry at the mercy of a werewolf (doesn't matter who)**

Harry ran and ran, hoping that his lungs would hold on just a bit longer or that he could find some kind of sanctuary before he was caught. Moony was right behind him and behind the grey werewolf were several more that were edging him on.

He gasped when he tripped over a branch and his ankle twisted painfully. He took a deep breath into his lungs once more and continued to run, limping and much slower than he had been. The werewolves were gaining on his human speed and he could practically feel the hot breath practically breathing down his neck.

He yelped in pain when he felt a much heavier weight slam onto his back and he fell to the ground, glasses practically flying off his nose and tasting the cold dirt beneath his face. The werewolves gather all around him and he whimpered in pain and fear when he moved his head slightly and caught sight of feral golden eyes, attached to a silver wolf. Greyback.

Greyback growled and barked at Harry and the smaller teen tried to make himself smaller and keep away from the sharp teeth. A cold nose sniffed at his hair and he tensed under the scrutiny, his heart beating against his ribcage like a hummingbird's wings.

Greyback growled again and Harry now understood that the werewolf was giving instructions to the werewolf on top of him. He tensed tighter than a bowstring when the werewolf above him growled at Greyback and continued to sniff at his hair and his neck. Its mouth was practically the size of his head and the teeth the size of his fingers and he shivered at the thought of those teeth digging into his flesh or into his skull.

The werewolf got off him and walked around to face him. Harry stared at the grey wolf in front of him and shivered in fear at all the other werewolves looking on in interest. Moony growled at them and they moved back while Greyback stood right next to Moony, looking as smug as a canine can.

Greyback barked again and Moony launched himself at Harry. All Harry felt was a sharp and blinding pain as the wolf's jaws clamped around his shoulder and bit. He screamed and beat at Moony's nose hoping that it would make the wolf let go but he didn't and all Harry could feel was the pain.

**Ashley would like: Harry Potter/Percy Weasley and "it's always the quiet ones".**

"He's a bit quiet isn't he?" Ron asked his mother as they watched Harry sitting at the kitchen table looking at the piece of pie in front of him. "I expected him to be taller, though."

"Mum, the Ministry is going crazy over this Harry Potter business. What is going on?" Percy asked as he opened the door to the kitchen and pulled at his red curls, messing up his well combed hair.

Mrs. Weasley looked over to her son, fixing up his hair and putting curls behind his ears. "Dumbledore said that he needed somewhere to stay and someone to tell him about magic. His family was killed by Death Eaters last week and he's the only one left."

"Is he a squib?" Percy murmured, looking over to the quiet teen at the family kitchen table. "Why is he learning about magic now?"

"His magic unconsciously put up wards for the Ministry to not notice accidental magic," Mrs. Weasley explained, motioning Percy away from the kitchen and into the living room, leaving Ron alone with the wizarding world's hero. "He doesn't know much just that he can do some things that others can't. He didn't even know how his parents died," his mother hissed in indignation. "Those awful muggles didn't tell him anything and he had to learn in such an awful way."

-….-

Percy, after many talks and reassurances, had been considered the perfect person to take care of Harry, or at least let the teen room with him at his flat. Harry had wanted to finish his A-Levels and needed to stay in Muggle School for that to happen. Percy lived the closest to Harry's school and was saddled with making sure he didn't get hurt or that Death Eaters weren't after him.

"When do you get your test results?" Percy asked as they sat at the kitchen table with take-away from the local curry shop in front of Percy's flat.

"Sometime in the next week," Harry murmured quietly and took a bite out of his food.

"How do you think you did?" Percy tried to continue the conversation to the too quiet teen.

"I think I did well," he answered.

-….-

"Where's Harry?" Mrs. Weasley asked the room in general as she stirred the meat sauce and turned the stove off. "You left him alone, Percy?"

"He's taking a taxi here," Percy said with a roll of his eyes. "I'll go pick him up at the entrance to St. Ottery."

"Percy!"

Mrs. Weasley looked up at the shout and raised her brow when a dark blur rushed into the kitchen.

"What's wrong? I thought you were going to take a taxi here," Percy commented and nearly fell over when Harry slammed into him and kissed him squarely on the lips, both their glasses sliding crookedly.

"I passed all of my A-Levels!" Harry cheered and showed him the piece of paper.

"Bloody hell," Ron breathed beside his mother, his mouth hanging open. "It's always the quiet ones."

**Cara would like: Harry/Charlie "Maybe...if you paid me..."**

Charlie Weasley loved peaches. His family knew about it, his neighbors knew about it, and anyone who had heard his shrieks as a child knew about it.

Harry Potter wasn't aware of Charlie's love of peaches as the, fresh-out-of-Hogwarts, teen didn't have that much interaction with the older Weasleys. But Harry could appreciate his fruit every once in a while, especially peaches. He could appreciate them even more when all of a sudden he had a face full of red hair and a hot, wet tongue licking up his throat. He was so startled for the second that it took Charlie to go from his collarbone to his lips and snatch away the peach.

Harry blinked in confusion; his hand is still in the motion of holding the peach and Charlie right in front of him. The elder Weasley smirked and dove down to Harry's mouth to collect the rest of the peach juice from his lips and from his tongue.

"Would you ever let me do that to you?" Ron asked from across the kitchen and shuddered as he saw tongue.

Hermione snorted and raised a brow at the shenanigans of the twins taking pictures from the doorway. "Maybe… if you paid me… Peaches are sticky."

**Readergirl_0 wants Harry/Rabastan Lestrange and "secret keeper"**

"…. A-a-and he said 'Why don't I make like Salazar and Slyther inside you?' It was the funniest thing ever!" Rodolphus guffawed as he tried to not spill his drink all over the carpet but still tell his story.

"Did it work?" Severus asked exasperated and his left eyebrow twitching. "I don't particularly care for your brother's horrendous pick-up lines."

Rodolphus laughed again and took a gulp of his firewhiskey nearly choking on it when he laughed at the wrong time. "You haven't even heard the best ones, yet."

"Professor, I read that book on wards and it never said anything about having sex with the secret keeper in order to ground the spell work," Harry shouted as he came into the potions workroom.

Rabastan was right behind him with the said book in one hand and another under his arm. "Sex magic makes spellwork stronger… besides it also makes us share the secret so we only have certain parts of it. Whoever came up with this is a genius," he grinned and patted Harry's bottom before legging it out of the room.

"So, who's going to be the _keeper_ and who is going to be the _secret_?" Rodolphus asked suggestively. Harry gave him a disgusted look and walked out of the room.

"That was awful."

"Oh, you love me, Snape."

**Tracy would like: Charlie Weasley/Severus Snape My parents would never approve.**

My parents would never approve. He had once been my teacher, after all. I didn't think twice after Harry told me exactly where he was before running to the Shrieking Shack and getting him. He was pale and there was blood surrounding his head like some sort of gruesome halo.

It took nearly the depletion of my entire magical core before I was satisfied that the wound wouldn't open up again.

"Weasley."

He was standing on the doorway to my flat, in Romania, looking like his usual dour self.

"Yes?"

"I've come to give something back to you," he said, his tone as icy as it's always been but still sending arousing tingles down my spine.

"Um, okay. I don't remember leaving anything behind." Just because I was part of the Weasley clan didn't mean that I was as messy as everyone else, I think that besides Percy I'm one of biggest neat freaks in the family.

He stepped forward and pressed a hand to my chest, probably feeling my heart pump a mile a minute at the action. Then I felt it. Magic. Coursing throughout my entire body from his fingertips and I could feel everything and not feel anything at all in one.

"Wait. This is—you can't—it will," I tried to protest because I knew exactly what entering one of these bonded contracts entailed… and he wasn't interested, right?

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Weasley. Keep your mouth shut; I'm trying to concentrate.

My parents would never approve.

**Kay would like Harry Potter/Teddy Lupin and "magical tattoo"**

"I think it's gone a bit far, though," Teddy murmured with a sigh.

"It's not that bad," Lily said, her red curls framing her heart shaped face. "I mean, he could have just gone out and gotten full sleeves or something."

"He has my named magically tattooed on his chest!" Teddy hissed at her but Lily just shrugged and took another sip of her colorful cocktail. "You can't write people's names on your body, it jinxes all relationships."

"I heard he has a tattoo of a mimic octopus on his pelvic bone," Al put in brightly, taking the olive from Lily's drink. "A magical one. So it moves," he elaborated.

"Yes, thanks, Al. We obviously didn't get that," James said sarcastically and rolled his eyes at his younger brother. "How does he even know what your animagus form is? Obviously, Daddy-dearest is stalking you."

"Don't be an ass, James," Lily snorted and smacked his arm. "They sleep together and tell each other everything."

"So, you guys aren't creeped out that I'm dating him?"

"This wasn't about the tattoos, then?" Lily asked with wide eyes. "As long as you don't film it, tell us in detail, or do it where we can see it, we're fine with it."

"We're adults now, we can totally handle the fact that you're sleeping with our dad," Albus said with a firm nod and then shuddered. "Yeah, that's still weird. Hey, at least you love each other!"

"There you guys are!"

They all turned around at the sound of the familiar voice and Harry making his way over to them through the large crowd of bad dancers. He grinned widely at them and kissed Teddy on the temple, nothing more since his kids were watching.

Teddy turned around in time to see an octopus change color and flick its way down Harry's collarbone.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this! Hopefully I'll have a chapter dedicated to crossovers soon. Tell me which one was your favorite and what you'd like to see.


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